Hold Them Close

What a crazy ride this month has been.  From finding out about Brendol’s cancer, to amputation, to chemotherapy, and then a friend going into hospice, and his passing away two days ago.  All followed by a round of cancer dogs losing their fights this past week or the pawrents getting tragic news about their conditions.  I have run the gammut of crying and indecision to even elation at how well Brendol has done.  This past week, things finally started feeling like they were back to normal at home, and I was so happy about my Brendol doing good that it was easy to ignore the fact that she HAS cancer.  Of course, I put a lot of my time into helping my friends through the process of dieing.  And I’m trying to help them grieve along with grieving myself.  But then last night, all of the news of varying individuals having their pets also lose their battles was very deflating.  It reminded me of my limited time with my baby girl.  I’m trying so hard to balance feeling good about her progress with fearing losing her.  And so many battles seemed to be lost so quickly.  My friend went from still being able to stay at home (although we were going to have him go to an assisted living facility this past week) to being gone in 2 weeks.  And one of the dogs that I was following his progress, went from just getting his brace for his leg to not being able to breathe in a matter of days.  Everything is just so uncertain.  And I am a control FREAK.  Try controlling Cancer or Parkinsons!  Not happening.

So, I laid in bed last night and I cuddled around my baby girl and I just held her tight for as long as she would let me.  I try to remember that the love we have in our life is why losing those close to us hurts so much.  It’s all a balance.  Grief and Joy.  Love and Loss.  May I learn the lesson I need to learn with grace, and may I learn it quickly :D.

So, this is just a reminder, to hold your loved ones close.