“Just Keep Swimming” is one of my favorite lines from a movie… “Finding Nemo”. I often use it in my everyday life to remind me to…well…just keep swimming. This is one of those days.
I should start with, Thing Are Going Good. Brendol is doing really well. She is having a little trepidation about going UP the steps now, but has mastered the going down. I hope this is just a phase. She went through the amputation with flying colors, ate well, no problems with the pain meds, and just hunkered down a little and cuddled with me on the couch a lot, which I didn’t mind one bit.
This morning, we got the stitches out and met with the internist to discuss chemo. I have been waffling back and forth about it. And honestly, I am still not sure. But we went ahead and started the chemo today… 4 to 6 treatments every 3 weeks of carboplatin. I just got the call that my baby girl is done with her treatment and ready to go home. I’ve got her hanging out there while I work and will pick her up this afternoon. Fortunately, she also loves going to the vets. She is a sucker for attention. And most people that see her are sucker for giving it to her.
Here’s my baby girl from this weekend. All of our friends that saw this picture stated how young she looked. See Brendol is a 12 year old gal, so we’ve got a little mileage. But because she has been so healthy up til this cancer crap, we are giving that chemo a shot.
Driving to the office after leaving her for her treatment, I have felt sick to my stomach. I think its a culmination of the whole thing, not just the chemo. Because I’ve read from many forum posts that the chemo doesn’t bother them that much, so I know in my heart that this will be ok. But, I guess, I just hate her having to go through any of this. Unfortunately, many of my friends will not understand my decision. When I first found out about the osteosarcoma and that amputation was a possibility, many of them were sympathetic to me but also “awww, I hope you don’t put her through that”. Well, I did put her through that. And when I talked about the possibilities of chemo, they also were like, “aww Karma, that’s so sad, I hope you don’t decide to do that”. One of my friends is very vocal and her point of reference is that she has undergone chemo twice with breast cancer. I explained to her all that I had read about dogs not having the side effects as bad as humans, but she wouldn’t have it. Nobody knows yet that we decided to go through with it. So I just have to hunker down for any judgements they may feel free to pass my way and prepare to blow them off.
I have to admit I have not been very productive at the office ever since her diagnosis. My mind keeps reeling with weighing all the options and trying to decide what is the right thing to do for both of us. I’ve read so many forums and blogs and articles that my head is spinning. And all I really want to do is stay at home and curl up with my sweet pea.
But, have to work. So here I am. Just keep swimming. Just keep swimming.