August 2013 – Miss Brendol's Memorial

From Me to You

I got arms that long to hold you
And keep you by my side.

Just call on me and i’ll send it along
With love from me to you.

Dear Brendol,

Today, it has been 10 days that you have been gone. Do you know how much I miss you?

I know you are whole and happy and painfree once more. Where you are, I hope there are millions of bubbles floating in the air and tinker-bells dancing across the grass for you to chase. I hope you were greeted by Allegra and Sadie. You always loved playing with Sadie and I’m sure she is happy to have company now. Don’t aggravate Allegra too much, even though you think it’s fun.

Have you met up with our online friends? We’ve heard so much about them and now you can play with them. Be sure to look for Sassy, Shooter, Wookie, Dakota, Maggie, Bogi, Kermit, Franklin, and Jerry! And there are probably some other friends that will be joining you soon, so make sure you are a good host and show them the ropes when they get there.

Your sisters miss you too. Aissa didn’t eat very well for a week and you know how much she loves to eat. And Adelaide has had a bad tummy. You know Mathilde and Morrigan don’t pay much attention, we can’t expect much from them as cats, but I know they miss you too.

I love you so much. I don’t have anybody to cuddle with me just perfectly as you knew how. You would get as close as you possibly could without actually laying on top of me! I loved that feeling. And our weekends where you would come squish in between me and the couch and lay down where I could watch the tv or work on the computer but still feel you near me and rub your head and your super soft ears. Nobody can snuggle as well as you! Your dollies are all still laying around the living room where you left them. Aissa has played with your sheep, but you two shared good anyway. I did put your hippo up because that was your favorite and I don’t want it ruined. Every day, when I head upstairs, it is disappointing now to see that you haven’t messed up the bed or taken the pillows into the bathroom. I know I teased you about that, but it really was endearing.

Did you see that Rene and Jim put up a banner on the tripawd site for you? It is very cute (of course, because it is of you). I also hung a big picture of you with all your bubbles on my office wall where I can smile upon you nearly everyday. And Miss Katy and Jackson did a little video of Jackson learning about bubbles because they heard how much you loved them. Rupa heard of your passing and she put up a pretty picture of you on her facebook to tell everybody what a sweet girl you were. So I hope you can feel how much everybody loves you. Nobody more so than me.

Please don’t worry about your momma. I will be ok. Aissa and Adelaide will help take care of me. My heart does hurt and I may still cry often, but it is just because you were such a special girl. You know that I fell in love with you the very first time we met. And I am so happy you didn’t have to stay with that awful man. You deserved so much because you had such a sweet soul. I can’t think of anybody you didn’t like. I mean, I know you scared the neighbor kids when they were running through our yard, but they deserved that. And you didn’t dislike them, you just knew they didn’t below in the yard. I wish I could still kiss you on your soft nose. And rub your forehead until you fell asleep. And hold you super tight when you are afraid of your farts (I know, they scared you). I spent over 12 years wanting to make everything the best it could be for you, so now I miss that part of my job.

Anyway, I am waiting to be able to go pick up your cremains. I ordered a really pretty urn for you and Rene is going to make a pretty charm with your name on it to hang on the urn. Have fun where you are. All I ever wanted was your to be happy. Know I love you. I miss you. I will think of you often. And some day, I will see you again.

With all my love, from me to you.

Brendol and baby Aissa

Every Little Thing

Oh you’re my sunlight
You’re my everything’s going to be alright
The only thing I need is my life
From day to night my troubles disappear when you hold me tight
And I know I’ll never find another like you
So I promise that I’ll never let you go
You’re all I need, ’cause baby without you I’m just not me

At about 5:20 today I let Brendol go.

My Special Brendol (12/2000 – 8/20/2013)

We spent all night and all day cuddling on the bed. I gave her a million kisses and she gave me kisses as well.

I was somewhat embarrassed at how loudly I sobbed today. But she was my baby girl. My sweet pea. My poochy butt. Even in the end she was happy and accepting of everyone. She sat up in the front seat the entire way to the vets and occasionally looked around at the passing cars. She was happy at the office and very alert. It made it so very hard, but I know that her not being able to stand any longer was the end for us. They ask you to let them know when you are ready… you are never ready. Just one more moment. One more lick across my face. One more fart on the linoleum floor in the office (which she did). But I pushed myself forward and we laid on the floor together… and then she fell asleep in my arms for the last time.

I love you my Brendol.

All My Loving

I’ve talked to many of you in the chatroom, but for those that haven’t been in and seen me for a while, I just wanted to let everyone know that Brendol’s fight is coming to an end.

Last week I took her back to her vet and we found that the cancer had metastasized to her lungs. Additionally, it must be elsewhere in the bones causing her pain. I was on my way out of town, so they gave us Rimadyl, Tramadol, and Gab to keep her comfortable. She stayed with her pet sitters and when I left her she was wagging her tail and happy to see all her friends. They kept me updated every morning and evening. She ate really well. Tonight I got back and went to pick her up and her sisters. When I got there, she tried to stand up and couldn’t. The pet sitter said she was having some issues, but eventually able to get the legs working and that they had just given her her medicine so she might just be groggy.

I’ve gotten her home. Carried her upstairs and laid her in bed. She didn’t even fight me being carried and she has always hated to be carried. I have called in to work so that I may spend a last day with her cuddled up. I will call the vet in the morning to arrange an afternoon appointment. I am fairly calm, but my heart is breaking. She is my baby girl and I don’t want to lose her. But I can’t let her suffer any and if she can’t stand up, she’s not living a good life. I will miss her so very much. Please keep us in your thoughts.

When I’m Sixty-Four

When i get older losing my hair,
Many years from now.
Will you still be sending me a valentine
Birthday greetings bottle of wine.
If i’d been out till quarter to three
Would you lock the door,
Will you still need me, will you still feed me,
When i’m sixty-four

Why the Beatles song about age??? Well, I have some good news, but it’s sad in its own way. Brendol has been having a hard week being very tired and not wanting to eat as willingly (but with gusto if hand fed). She’s had me very worried and so I have taken her to see all the vets and get all sorts of tests done. The urinalysis came back just fine last week and the CBC came back fine from Saturday. Only thing noted during her visits was a slight heart murmur that we were instructed to just have checked out the next time we do a chest x-rays. That is all wonderful news, so the kidneys and liver are not indicating that there are any problems in functioning. The rimadyl that we were given seemed to help a little bit, so possibly my Brendol is just having some aches and pains of being an older girl.

That’s the sad part. I don’t want her to be old. Because if she is old, our days are numbered. I don’t want her to have cancer. Because with cancer, our days are numbered. I know, all of our days are numbered. Just seeing her so tired is painful for me because I know we can never go back. Last week, standing at the veterinary office checking out and paying the bill, she just stood there so nice waiting to go. I remembered the days (not so long ago) that she would have been pulling at her leash and bouncing around and I would have been frustrated with her for not sitting still so I could take care of everything. And now I long for that bubbly bouncy exuberant girl.

My friend, Darline, came to visit on Friday and Brendol got her cuddle time with Aunt Darline. Darline won’t like this picture, but this just shows how sweet my baby girl is.

So, with all that said… we will be ok. Momma just has to get used to our new normal. Take each day as it comes. Wag our tails with whatever gusto we have available.

Tear alert at this point forward… found a sweet poem about our aging pups.

TAKE JOY IN…..OLD DOGS

Their joys are simple. A soft bed. A scrap fallen from the table that the younger dogs missed. The memory of a treed squirrel. A stormless night.

White whiskered faces and legs crooked as question marks.

Old Dogs…their sweet Buddha bellies hang over crossed legs as they fall asleep in a coveted patch of sun. Dreaming of out-racing their shadows down long, shady lanes.

Once they danced by your side. The very definition of joy unleashed. A perfect poem caught in shining eyes and wagging tails. They have followed you faithfully for years. And would plunge into fires, untamed wildernesses, raging waters if you asked.

Now, they struggle to catch up. Their pace slow but their hearts still valiant.
Their cloudy eyes are starting to dim and go distant, tuning in to some invisible world. Just beyond your reach.

Don’t go you say, as you scratch the tender part between their ears. Stay longer. I can’t imagine a world without your fur pressed close to my cheek. There are still so many roads we haven’t explored.

And they look up at you with a wisdom that just slays you.

Their backs are bent, not from the weight of years, but from the invisible wings they are growing
That will soon take them to a place where once more they are warriors of speed
Drunk with the sights and scents of a thousand meadows.
Able to leap high enough to touch the wing of the tiniest butterfly.

A place where they will now wait for you to catch up.

– Donna Swajeski

Octopus’s Garden – Brendol Update

“We would be so happy you and me
No one there to tell us what to do
I’d like to be under the sea
In an octopus’s garden with you”

So hopefully I am just being paranoid, but I swear my B does not feel good. She is not her usual happy girl. She seems weak and/or tired. And she’s just all in all down in the dumps.

The vet looked her over and didn’t see anything particularly wrong. He took a urine sample and sent it off to the lab, but said that it’s appearance didn’t look unusual. In the meantime, he did send us home with some antibiotics just in case. 🙁 Wish my girl felt better.

I think you can see above, she isn’t as happy as usual.

Almost missed it again…Tuesday was B’s Six Month Ampuversary!

Just got home tonight from a vacation and picked up all the girls. Brendol was not as happy to see me as usual 🙁 Made me sad. We’ve been laying here on the bed chilling and I was giving her lots of love and noticed that it looks like she has discolored hair around her hooha, like perhaps dried blood. Going to have to call the vet in the morning and get her an appointment, I think maybe she’s got a bladder or urinary infection. She’s been off the chemo for over a month, so I’m surprised we might be dealing with this now. Way to make me feel like a schmuck for leaving for a vacation, come home and my baby girl isn’t feeling well. CRUD!

Let’s hear it for 6 months! Woo hoo! And send us best wishes that she has something simple to fix and get all better.